Ingredients:

1 can of tuna
1 bottle of mayonnaise
a couple of leaves of lettuce
a couple of slices of tomato
a couple of slices of kosher pickles
6 slices of DAMN GOOD bread

1 bottle of root beer
1 copy of "The Best of ZZ Top"

Robert sez:

Life is sometimes not always good to Robert. The BLING BLING vida loca can be stressful sometimes, man. Big money, call waitin', haters hatin'. Damn.

So sometimes I like to kick back with a bottle of root beer, some fine tuna sandwiches and early ZZ Top. Here's how to have a little backdoor love affair of your own.

Open one can of tuna. Immediately swat away the cats trying to jump on the counter. Drain tuna and pour into a small bowl. Add two little teaspoons of mayonnaise. I don't use much mayo or celery or whatever, 'cuz I like my fish full-flavored and fleshy. I'M STRONG, baby!

Next, spread the fish onto some DAMN GOOD bread (no cheap shit unless that's all you can afford. But even if you can't, treat yourself, man!). Add lettuce, tomatoes and pickles. Now squish it all together and BOOM BOOM!!! Shit, that looks so tasty!!!

Now grab your bottle of root beer and settle back with the Top. Get the "Best of" with the cowboys-around-the-campfire cover. Damn, that feels good. Yeah, oh hell yeah...

"What the fuck's this shit?" you say. "It's just a stupid tuna sandwich with stupid redneck bullshit classic rock."

Oye! Pinche puto, go back to Alta Dena and gay off with your sprouts and Air. Me? I'm gonna eat me some fish down on La Grange! TAKE ME WITH YOU, JESUS!!!